I never thought i’d have a cesarean birth

make a birth plan, and then expect the opposite - wise little saying

I always felt that I could control most things that have an impact on my life, until I became pregnant.

You very quickly realize that you are a sponsoring a life, and that your body is handling that whole job - aka - you are not asked at every (or any) decision along the way. Now that is beautiful and expansive in its own right, though it’s also scary! When you get later on in your pregnancy and you look down at this giant belly you think “um…you’re looking large baby, how on earth are you exiting this body” - enter fear, understandable!

Now the same greater power that is creating this little human is taking care of YOU, ensuring that you are in the best place to birth, healthily. However, there are many ways to birth a babe, and this is where I’ll share my experience on my first ever birth.

To start, I had a scheduled cesarean. My baby was in frank breech position (head up, not head down), and she never moved; not once, after all the interventions, even after an ECV (physician manually attempting to move the baby) in the hospital. We scheduled the cesarean birth as the odds in the city I was birthing in were quite undesirable - mainly the OB’s were not well trained in delivering breech babies vaginally. So, I never laboured, never felt contractions, never had my water break, or anything; sounds kind of great, and odd, doesn’t it?

Keep in mind that cesarean sections are a major abdominal surgery, so the recovery is lengthy, and painful - amplified by your life changing with a new baby at home, oh, and no sleep. That said, I felt the experience went as well as I could have expected. I only felt some freaky referred pain on the operating table in my right shoulder, thankfully that jarring pain dissipated in the coming days.

Now, if you’re reading this and you have yet to have a baby, or had a baby via emergency cesarean section, my story probably sounds easy, and everyone has a different perspective, that’s one neat thing about life.

What you’re probably wondering though, regardless of the route to your c-birth - is, how did the scar heal? How does it feel now? Does it hurt? Oh, and how does it LOOK? Does it bother my life? Let’s have a chat.

the scar is top of mind, though it does not stay there.

Well I, Kelly, I’m a bit obsessed with skin, and caring for this body that I’ve been given; enter a big pelvic scar. That was not in the plan folks!

The day the wrap came off, about two days after being at home, I was so excited and curious, and scared, to see what lay beneath this blood soaked bandage. What I found was - a nice little haha - nothing, I couldn’t see it, my belly was still a little bubble and I needed to locate a mirror. Standing in front of one I broke down in tears - looking at the not so straight line, bruised yellow and blue skin, puffiness, and ridges like moguls on a ski hill. My first words were “I’ve been hacked”. How could this look SO bad, they must not have cared, definitely the last patient before the surgeons holiday kind of thing.

It’s one thing to have a drastic change to your life, becoming a momma, right? Well well…it’s a whole other thing not feeling like you are YOU after that, surgery or otherwise, birthing a baby beats up your body a bit. It’s a scary thing surgery, and I cannot explain unless you’ve been ‘in the postpartum brain of a new mom’, though I will try… and maybe this will help you when and if you are there; you are not alone.

Hormones are raging and falling all at once, and you don’t know ‘what’s up’ for a little while. Mainly - you are likely not calm and collected and able to work through thoughts as well as you are when you’re not pregnant or postpartum, less in control if that makes sense? Lean on your loved ones during this time and try not to think of how to “bounce back” at least for a few weeks. Advice I’m going to try my best to take for my second birth coming up here.

The nurse brain in me eventually came to light that hey, post surgery nothing looks pretty, there is bruising, there is fluid retention, there is A LOT of inflammation; plus, my uterus was still shrinking and my body is hard at work at rebalancing (this rebalance takes MONTHS ladies).

So finally, here, allow me to dish on the scar and all those questions.. .It healed, beautifully. It feels STRONG now. It never causes me pain. It looks like a scar, hey that’s the reality - it is a scar. Though no, it does not impact my life - 9 times out of 10 I forget it’s even there.

That healing took some WORK so keep up to date here - there is an article coming on how I helped my body heal my scar, what I found was hokuspokus and what actually worked with healing tissue. It’ll be linked under Motherhood as well.

It included recovery movements and stretches, scar massage, oils, silicone gel (yes that’s a real thing), red light therapy, and loads of positive self talk. All things every one of us c-birth mommas can do at home in less than a year.

I hope this article sheds some light on a scheduled cesarean birth experience, one of millions out there. Still make that birth plan, it’s fun; most importantly, be open to all the ways to birth. It’ll be one of your most cherished stories of life.